The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She told me I should be a condom model.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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