Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
