also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
