I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
