I think im going to throw up on grandma
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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