I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
