nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
