he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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