The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
