Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
