how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
