We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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