Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
