At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
In other news, I just burned my penis
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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