i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
