the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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