shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
The air taste purple.
Randomize
