You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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