I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
