I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
