I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
