I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
