Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
