allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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