i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
