You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
