I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
