He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
he had hair everywhere except his balls
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
