I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
