My first STD was from a foam party
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
