I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
