Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
