You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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