It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
