We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
