you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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