I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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