Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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