why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
