do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Blood and glitter go together right?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
