I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
