Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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