____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just cut my nipple shaving
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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