i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
