I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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