im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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