just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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