we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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