i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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