Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
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I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
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He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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