Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
