We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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