I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize