let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize