Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
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I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
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Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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