My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Found the puke drawer
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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