I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
