sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
