I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
