A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
