I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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