How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
