when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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